longstocking
Members
or for us women that don't know or trust themselves to use drills and saws.... buy a dremel 
75% of fishroom diy can be done with a dremel lolol
75% of fishroom diy can be done with a dremel lolol
Tanks for the Memories!
- Thread starter hurtmypony
- Start date
mscichlid
Founder
And Home Depot rents tools
minifoot77
Members
you were told by two women :tongue0011:ound:
ound:hurtmypony
Members
Chapter Six: A Cichlidiot Abroad – My Adventures Outside the Compound Walls
Mariner: Two drifters meet. Something needs to be exchanged.
Drifter: I know the code. But I'll give this one to you for free.
Mariner: Nothing's free in Waterworld.
Since I have moved to Maryland, my weeks are similar to someone under house arrest. My Miami boss, an automotive tycoon with over a dozen dealerships under his name, liked my work enough to let me keep my web development job after I relocated. So, I work from home now, using CSS and HTML code I am not familiar with to publish online content about cars I have not seen for dealers who do not know I exist.
It’s quite surreal.
In consequence, I don’t get out enough. I spend days without even looking outside and wearing nothing more appropriate than flannel pajamas. For conference calls with the boss, I’ll respectfully dress up my extremely casual attire with a bathrobe.
This weekend was different. Tony offered me the opportunity to check out his tanks and get some seeding material for mine. So, like that previous Pacu I kept that got a little overzealous during a particular feeding time, I decided to jump out of the comfort of my wonderfully familiar, temperature-controlled home to gasp, panic and thrash about in the outside world. It turned out to be rather fun!
Here’s what I learned:
1. Members of the cichlid world start early. I thought “morning†was merely a myth the breakfast cereal people perpetuate to sell more Captain Crunch, but it turns out there is actually a group of people that begin their day before noon. I was summoned at the unspeakable hour of 10AM.
2. Though there is an established barter system for equipment and livestock, new traders can integrate into the system using the same currency you use at the abrupt end of a romantic relationship – beer. Apparently, the motivational qualities of beer extend beyond convincing your friend to donate his Saturday, his muscle and his pick-up truck to get your clothing and entertainment system out of the viper den you once called a home. It works for bacteria trades, too!
3. Fish tanks are like tattoos. Once you get one, you have to get another. I met Reel Addiction, DiscusnAfricans and Tony. Collectively, they all have more African tanks than Rommel, circa 1941. The addiction is contagious – my first tank doesn’t even have fish in it yet, and I was already making mental measurements on Tony’s 180 gallon, thinking of how perfectly something like it will look along the far wall of my TV room.
Once I mastered the secret handshake and pledged my allegiance to the cause, I was invited to tour the inner sanctum of Cichlid Central. My trio of CCA regulars ushered me through the basics of cichlid keeping and Tony ran me through his set up, his equipment and, best of all, his beautiful stocks of fish.
When the time came, he produced an oozing, brown object and told me to throw it in my tank. The thing, a sponge filter with a length of plastic tubing jutting from the end, looked like a chemo patient’s hairbrush. Brown, stringy and radiating the aura of some ancient time, I can only assume it was belched up from the deepest depths of blackwater by the sleeping, cavernous maw of Cthulhu himself.
I took it home and put that Cthulhu magic right in my tank. Though I have not tested the water yet, I am certain it is working. The cloudiness is already subsiding. I’ll run tests today, but I am sure I’ll be able to throw fish in there soon enough.
Friendly bunch of folks you have here. The three I met are a welcoming bunch that are quick to laugh and willing to answer even the most ignorant of questions.
Thank you for having me over. It was great to meet all of you!
Tony, the combined gallons of your tanks are exceeded only by the volumes of passion you display for the hobby.
Mariner: Two drifters meet. Something needs to be exchanged.
Drifter: I know the code. But I'll give this one to you for free.
Mariner: Nothing's free in Waterworld.
Since I have moved to Maryland, my weeks are similar to someone under house arrest. My Miami boss, an automotive tycoon with over a dozen dealerships under his name, liked my work enough to let me keep my web development job after I relocated. So, I work from home now, using CSS and HTML code I am not familiar with to publish online content about cars I have not seen for dealers who do not know I exist.
It’s quite surreal.
In consequence, I don’t get out enough. I spend days without even looking outside and wearing nothing more appropriate than flannel pajamas. For conference calls with the boss, I’ll respectfully dress up my extremely casual attire with a bathrobe.
This weekend was different. Tony offered me the opportunity to check out his tanks and get some seeding material for mine. So, like that previous Pacu I kept that got a little overzealous during a particular feeding time, I decided to jump out of the comfort of my wonderfully familiar, temperature-controlled home to gasp, panic and thrash about in the outside world. It turned out to be rather fun!
Here’s what I learned:
1. Members of the cichlid world start early. I thought “morning†was merely a myth the breakfast cereal people perpetuate to sell more Captain Crunch, but it turns out there is actually a group of people that begin their day before noon. I was summoned at the unspeakable hour of 10AM.
2. Though there is an established barter system for equipment and livestock, new traders can integrate into the system using the same currency you use at the abrupt end of a romantic relationship – beer. Apparently, the motivational qualities of beer extend beyond convincing your friend to donate his Saturday, his muscle and his pick-up truck to get your clothing and entertainment system out of the viper den you once called a home. It works for bacteria trades, too!
3. Fish tanks are like tattoos. Once you get one, you have to get another. I met Reel Addiction, DiscusnAfricans and Tony. Collectively, they all have more African tanks than Rommel, circa 1941. The addiction is contagious – my first tank doesn’t even have fish in it yet, and I was already making mental measurements on Tony’s 180 gallon, thinking of how perfectly something like it will look along the far wall of my TV room.
Once I mastered the secret handshake and pledged my allegiance to the cause, I was invited to tour the inner sanctum of Cichlid Central. My trio of CCA regulars ushered me through the basics of cichlid keeping and Tony ran me through his set up, his equipment and, best of all, his beautiful stocks of fish.
When the time came, he produced an oozing, brown object and told me to throw it in my tank. The thing, a sponge filter with a length of plastic tubing jutting from the end, looked like a chemo patient’s hairbrush. Brown, stringy and radiating the aura of some ancient time, I can only assume it was belched up from the deepest depths of blackwater by the sleeping, cavernous maw of Cthulhu himself.
I took it home and put that Cthulhu magic right in my tank. Though I have not tested the water yet, I am certain it is working. The cloudiness is already subsiding. I’ll run tests today, but I am sure I’ll be able to throw fish in there soon enough.
Friendly bunch of folks you have here. The three I met are a welcoming bunch that are quick to laugh and willing to answer even the most ignorant of questions.
Thank you for having me over. It was great to meet all of you!
Tony, the combined gallons of your tanks are exceeded only by the volumes of passion you display for the hobby.
hurtmypony
Members
you were told by two women :tongue0011:
Holy crap! That makes three, as I already have a full-time one that schools me! I am starting to feel like Bill Hendrickson from Big Love.
Thank you, ladies (and gentleman). A Dremel is on the top of my short list of Tools I Should Own Again. The ex-wife still has the two I used to own (a knock-off and an actual Dremel) out west. There is only so much crap you can fit in the car when you high-tail it out of a marriage on short notice. As for Home Depot, from the looks of the parking lot, you can even rent handymen!
To illustrate my confused priorities: I managed to find room for the replica handguns, but I abandoned my modest collection of tools.
Tony
Alligator Snapping Turtle/Past Pres
Just when I thought Tim had said it all.... a Waterworld reference!
Seriously, who is this guy?!!!
Another well-played reference.....Desert Fox, baby!
Glad it's working out for ya. Like we were saying the other day... fishless cycle is for the birds.
Hey, my pleasure man. It was good meeting you as well and I look forward to hearing more of your tank setup exploits. Drop by any time.
mscichlid
Founder
"Friendly bunch of folks you have here. The three I met are a welcoming bunch that are quick to laugh and willing to answer even the most ignorant of questions."
If you think those three guys were cool, wait until you meet the rest of us!
Keep us posted.
If you think those three guys were cool, wait until you meet the rest of us!
Keep us posted.
Reel Addiction
Members
Great meeting you Tim, Tony and Mike are awesome guys. Tony has lots of great stuff. Mike is like a fish book of knowledge. The tought me alot along the way. Like Francine said... you havent even taped the database yet. See you at the meeting!
hurtmypony
Members
Chapter Seven: Blowing the Cich Lid Off This Baby
NASA Director: This could be the worst disaster we’ve ever faced.
Gene Kranz: With all due respect, sir, I believe this is gonna be our finest hour.
Well, I’ll start this one with some news that is sad to me. I won’t be able to make it to this month’s meeting because it coincides with my anniversary. Instead, I have plans to spend the weekend touring the colorful walls of New York’s art museums, and exploring the colorful personalities driving the numerous taxis in the city.
In fact, the only possible way I could attend the meeting is if several of you help me fake my death so I can dodge these anniversary plans.
I will settle for no less than a glorious fake death. If some of you were to, say, don ninja outfits and choreograph a martial arts showdown in front of countless witnesses where I, the hero, bravely defeat half of you before succumbing to your overwhelming numbers, that would be cool.
You could finish me off by drop kicking me off an impossibly high waterfall that would make my body conveniently unrecoverable until I show up at home miraculously unharmed on Sunday night. I will explain I survived the ordeal but, thanks to a savage axe kick to the head, had delirium for two days which made me mistakenly believe I was a churro-slinging street vendor from Chihuahua, Mexico.
It’s just a suggestion. I’m just throwing it out there. If it is too much trouble, I’ll just go to March’s meeting.
I think the tank is ready to go. Ammonia is down to zero. Nitrites are zero. Nitrates are low. Today, I will head down to PetCo and grab some cheap Yellow Labs to literally “test the waters”. After the Labidochromis establish that I truly have a safe tank, it will be time to fill the rosters. Thanks to some help from Mike, Chris and Tony, here’s my currently incomplete list of fish:
Labidochromis caeruleus
Iodotropheus sprengerae
Pseudotropheus sp. "Acei" Ngara (I think these are the white-tipped fellers Tony is going to sell me)
A synodontis or two.
Did you guys suggest others? If so, I will write them down this time.
I will buy them in trios, as suggested, and maybe shoot for a tank population of 18 to 22, depending on your recommendations. Like most everyone else, I would like a colorful tank. Looks like I have some dark blue, yellow and reddish-purple in the list. Does anyone else want to make some suggestions that will help fill the color spectrum with compatible species?
Also, is anyone selling Rusties or whatever else you’d might recommend me? I have found a lot of the stock in the local fish stores I visited to be somewhat lacking…
If the purchasing part of this discussion is more appropriate for the market page, I can start a thread there.
NASA Director: This could be the worst disaster we’ve ever faced.
Gene Kranz: With all due respect, sir, I believe this is gonna be our finest hour.
Well, I’ll start this one with some news that is sad to me. I won’t be able to make it to this month’s meeting because it coincides with my anniversary. Instead, I have plans to spend the weekend touring the colorful walls of New York’s art museums, and exploring the colorful personalities driving the numerous taxis in the city.
In fact, the only possible way I could attend the meeting is if several of you help me fake my death so I can dodge these anniversary plans.
I will settle for no less than a glorious fake death. If some of you were to, say, don ninja outfits and choreograph a martial arts showdown in front of countless witnesses where I, the hero, bravely defeat half of you before succumbing to your overwhelming numbers, that would be cool.
You could finish me off by drop kicking me off an impossibly high waterfall that would make my body conveniently unrecoverable until I show up at home miraculously unharmed on Sunday night. I will explain I survived the ordeal but, thanks to a savage axe kick to the head, had delirium for two days which made me mistakenly believe I was a churro-slinging street vendor from Chihuahua, Mexico.
It’s just a suggestion. I’m just throwing it out there. If it is too much trouble, I’ll just go to March’s meeting.
I think the tank is ready to go. Ammonia is down to zero. Nitrites are zero. Nitrates are low. Today, I will head down to PetCo and grab some cheap Yellow Labs to literally “test the waters”. After the Labidochromis establish that I truly have a safe tank, it will be time to fill the rosters. Thanks to some help from Mike, Chris and Tony, here’s my currently incomplete list of fish:
Labidochromis caeruleus
Iodotropheus sprengerae
Pseudotropheus sp. "Acei" Ngara (I think these are the white-tipped fellers Tony is going to sell me)
A synodontis or two.
Did you guys suggest others? If so, I will write them down this time.
I will buy them in trios, as suggested, and maybe shoot for a tank population of 18 to 22, depending on your recommendations. Like most everyone else, I would like a colorful tank. Looks like I have some dark blue, yellow and reddish-purple in the list. Does anyone else want to make some suggestions that will help fill the color spectrum with compatible species?
Also, is anyone selling Rusties or whatever else you’d might recommend me? I have found a lot of the stock in the local fish stores I visited to be somewhat lacking…
If the purchasing part of this discussion is more appropriate for the market page, I can start a thread there.
Last edited:
chris_todd
Members
You're setting a dangerous precedent here... which is more important, your fish hobby or your marraige? If you relinquish power to her by making her think the answer is "your marraige", then you can bet that she will give you a hard time every time you bring a new fish tank home (and if you think your first tank will be your last tank, boy are you sadly mistaken! I can already predict you'll own eight tanks by the end of the year. You have all the symptoms of MTS, you just don't know it yet.).
Try this: tell her that every day you're married is an anniversary worth celebrating, so really, what is so different about this particular day?
Let me know if that works, BTW, and if so, I might try it on my wife, who, every time I hint at getting a 180g, suggests it is the perfect size to bury me in.
That would be a good idea, start a WTB thread in the marketplace. I have some Rusties, but they're in my wife's Mbuna tank, and after those comments above, she might not let me give them to you, LOL.
hurtmypony
Members
Try this: tell her that every day you're married is an anniversary worth celebrating, so really, what is so different about this particular day?
Haha! That's sweet poetry, good sir! I doubt it will work, she can smell insincerity better than a drug dog can smell hippies, but I'll give it a whirl tonight. I'll prepare for a restless night on the couch just in case.
Let me know if that works, BTW, and if so, I might try it on my wife, who, every time I hint at getting a 180g, suggests it is the perfect size to bury me in.
That's an awesome comeback! Gotta love a lady with a sense of humor.
Luckily, I am at the beginning of my addiction, so the idea of an additional tank or two is still novel and her thinly veiled threats are kept to a minimum. She's actually excited about this one. We'll see how long her enthusiasm holds up as a plunge us into unrecoverable debt with my fascination for LED systems and artificial rock.
She also has not realized that additional tanks means additional equipment, which means the TV room will eventually look like a set for The Hunt for Red October, thanks to all the exposed tubing, wires and blinking equipment (and wet, sweating walls!).
And while we are on the subject, could Connery have at least tried to sound a little Russian for the film? They should have put in Scotty from Star Trek as his First Mate, so Connery's Scottish brogue would have blended better. I'm yer RRRRRRRRRRRusssian CRRRRRew, cap'n!
hurtmypony
Members
BREAKING NEWS:
Sheath your katanas, and dry your wet eyes. The Duchess, exhibiting unparalleled mercy and compassion toward her servant, has moved our romantic weekend to the 12th.
Looks like I get to meet you, after all.
This is assuming the meeting is on the 19th. There are conflicting dates in other areas of the board, but the 19th seems to be the latest update.
Faking my glorious, heroic death is no longer required.
YOU MAY NOW CANCEL THE ONLINE ORDERS YOU MADE FOR NINJA COSTUMES. YOU MAY ALSO REMOVE YOUR SHURIKEN BANDOLEERS AND CEASE YOUR TIRELESS EFFORTS TO FULLY MASTER A CONVINCING HOLLYWOOD-STYLE DRAGON KICK.
Now, step up with those fish recommendations! Looks like I'll have an opportunity to browse your stock for sale come the 19th!
Sheath your katanas, and dry your wet eyes. The Duchess, exhibiting unparalleled mercy and compassion toward her servant, has moved our romantic weekend to the 12th.
Looks like I get to meet you, after all.
This is assuming the meeting is on the 19th. There are conflicting dates in other areas of the board, but the 19th seems to be the latest update.
Faking my glorious, heroic death is no longer required.
YOU MAY NOW CANCEL THE ONLINE ORDERS YOU MADE FOR NINJA COSTUMES. YOU MAY ALSO REMOVE YOUR SHURIKEN BANDOLEERS AND CEASE YOUR TIRELESS EFFORTS TO FULLY MASTER A CONVINCING HOLLYWOOD-STYLE DRAGON KICK.
Now, step up with those fish recommendations! Looks like I'll have an opportunity to browse your stock for sale come the 19th!
longstocking
Members
Cool! Glad you can make the meeting
minifoot77
Members
call off the hitman!!!!!!!!!!!!
chris_todd
Members
Sweet! See, that works out even better, because you can make it a Valentine's Day weekend trip! Cha-ching! (DO NOT forget roses!)
So I gotta know, how did she take the "Every day is an anniversary.." argument? Or do you just have an unbelievably awesome Duchess?
See you on the 19th...
Tony
Alligator Snapping Turtle/Past Pres
Dang... was looking forward to the opportunity to dust off my ninja costume.
That's a total bummer, man.
That's a total bummer, man.
hurtmypony
Members
Well, to be honest, she decided to change the weekend before I could put on the smoking jacket, grip the mahogany pipe in my teeth, and try out your "so crazy it just might work" Hugh Hefner line.
She already knew I wanted to hit the meeting, and also the weather for the earlier week seems more promising for our trip.
hurtmypony
Members
Chapter Eight: And so it begins!
Dusty Bottoms: Well, we really don’t have a plan B. We didn't expect for the first plan to work. Sometimes you can over plan these things.
The first trio is in.
I went down to PetCo and grabbed three labidochromis caeruleus for the surprisingly cheap price of $6.99 apiece and rushed them home. I allowed them to acclimate to the water by floating the bag and adding a cup of tank water to it every 15 minutes for 45 minutes.
Once in the tank, they schooled together for the first 30 or so minutes. I am guessing these guys are no bigger than 1.5 to 2 inches long, so it what happened next was surprising.
One yeller feller would see his reflection in the side glass, I think, and start doing what I, a simple man without a background in marine biology, smartly call the “boomerang danceâ€.
You know, when they curve their body, ungulate and skip sideways?
Is that courtship or aggression?
Either way, I was surprised how quickly it happened. They were only in the tank 5-10 minutes before that started. The other two were paying him no mind, so he’s either ugly or a wimp.
Next, they broke formation and explored on their own, half-heartedly chasing one another upon rediscovery. They were foraging in substrate, so after a couple of hours, I decided to feed them. It was then I discovered I got the floating Hikari Cichlid Excel, and not the sinking variety. The food finally sunk, and they would taste it and then spit it out – I am guessing they don’t like it. This morning, I gave them a little Hikari Cichlid Gold, which they actually ate, but I worry it is too high protein for regular feeding. Also, despite one food type being “Mini†sized and the other “babyâ€, it looks like neither fits well in their mouths.
They carry the circular pellet around in their mouth like a Murder Ball player rolling down the court for a shot.
So for my lunch break, I went down to Congressional Aquarium where I paid $12,394 for 2 ounces of New Life Spectrum sinking food that are as small Betta-sized pellets. They liked those.
Here’s a shot of the three labs. Marley is already calling them Dusty, Ned and Lucky. After the “Three Amigosâ€, of course.
And here's one of my furry colleagues ensuring all the plumbing is hooked up properly. At least that's what she told me she is doing. I have no idea why you need a tub of tartar sauce to check the pipes, but I am no plumber. I'll leave it to the professional.
Now please excuse me while I investigate that splashing noise coming from the fish tank room...
Dusty Bottoms: Well, we really don’t have a plan B. We didn't expect for the first plan to work. Sometimes you can over plan these things.
The first trio is in.
I went down to PetCo and grabbed three labidochromis caeruleus for the surprisingly cheap price of $6.99 apiece and rushed them home. I allowed them to acclimate to the water by floating the bag and adding a cup of tank water to it every 15 minutes for 45 minutes.
Once in the tank, they schooled together for the first 30 or so minutes. I am guessing these guys are no bigger than 1.5 to 2 inches long, so it what happened next was surprising.
One yeller feller would see his reflection in the side glass, I think, and start doing what I, a simple man without a background in marine biology, smartly call the “boomerang danceâ€.
You know, when they curve their body, ungulate and skip sideways?
Is that courtship or aggression?
Either way, I was surprised how quickly it happened. They were only in the tank 5-10 minutes before that started. The other two were paying him no mind, so he’s either ugly or a wimp.
Next, they broke formation and explored on their own, half-heartedly chasing one another upon rediscovery. They were foraging in substrate, so after a couple of hours, I decided to feed them. It was then I discovered I got the floating Hikari Cichlid Excel, and not the sinking variety. The food finally sunk, and they would taste it and then spit it out – I am guessing they don’t like it. This morning, I gave them a little Hikari Cichlid Gold, which they actually ate, but I worry it is too high protein for regular feeding. Also, despite one food type being “Mini†sized and the other “babyâ€, it looks like neither fits well in their mouths.
They carry the circular pellet around in their mouth like a Murder Ball player rolling down the court for a shot.
So for my lunch break, I went down to Congressional Aquarium where I paid $12,394 for 2 ounces of New Life Spectrum sinking food that are as small Betta-sized pellets. They liked those.
Here’s a shot of the three labs. Marley is already calling them Dusty, Ned and Lucky. After the “Three Amigosâ€, of course.
And here's one of my furry colleagues ensuring all the plumbing is hooked up properly. At least that's what she told me she is doing. I have no idea why you need a tub of tartar sauce to check the pipes, but I am no plumber. I'll leave it to the professional.
Now please excuse me while I investigate that splashing noise coming from the fish tank room...
hurtmypony
Members
Dang... was looking forward to the opportunity to dust off my ninja costume.
That's a total bummer, man.
Hey, live like I do, understanding EVERY day is the perfect opportunity to wear a ninja costume. Unless it is Pirate Tuesday.
hurtmypony
Members
Chapter Nine -
Police Academy VI: Adventures at The Blue Oyster
Tyler Durden: “All right, if the applicant is young, tell him he's too young. Old, too old. If he’s blonde, tell him he’s too blonde. If the applicant then waits for three days without food, shelter or encouragement he may then enter and begin his training.”
I relish those rare opportunities to say something that is both truthful and bizarre.
One time, early in our relationship, the Duchess’ father was visiting Miami on some business. We planned on meeting for a drink. Having newly returned to Miami myself, I was searching for a local store to buy some new Dr. Marten boots. Either Miami or I had fallen out of fashion, because there were few local sources for the classically British footwear.
I called around and finally found my preferred boot model at a local store in Ft. Lauderdale. To keep this post family friendly, I will vaguely say the store’s primary wares were adult toys, adult films and apparently every kind of stripper boot in existence. How Doc Marten’s, a punk rock footwear classic, got lumped into the same category as ball gags, glass stiletto heels and dirty movies, I’ll never know, but when The Duchess called to anxiously confirm the time I was meeting her father, I was delighted to truthfully say:
“First, I am going to hit the bondage shop, and then I am joining your dad for a cocktail or two.”
That time, I had to offer an explanation, or suffer drastic consequences. This Sunday, when my cousin called and asked what I did this weekend, I was delighted to announce:
I gathered with likeminded individuals at a police station to learn how to properly photograph a fish tank.
I refused to elaborate further.
He’ll cause a brain aneurism trying to figure that one out.
My first CCA meeting was exciting for me, fueled as it were with many new people to meet and strange practices to understand.
Upon arrival, I was eager to make my presence known by spontaneously starting out the monthly water balloon throwing event. Fortunately, Chris intervened and wrenched a bag of synodontis fry out of my cocked arm before I could throw it at Francine, and explained to [a somewhat confused and crestfallen] me there was no “water balloon throwing event” at the meeting. Ever.
Apparently, all of the “balloons” were actually bags filled with fish to be sold at auction.
While I am relieved I did not execute such a calamitous a faux pas, I can’t help but think a water balloon fight is sorely absent from the proceedings. Once I become a full member (this Friday is payday!) I hope to stuff the “suggestion box” with this and many other fantastic ideas I have bouncing around my drug-addled simian brain, such as the BUY-OR-DIE “Red Belly Piranha Auction Tank AND Dunking Booth”.
It would also be an injustice not to mention the auction itself. At first, I thought the man approaching the mic might be another guest speaker, this time from MTV’s hottest new show, fresh from the beach house and ready to show us the proper way to shotgun a beer. I was mistaken - it turns out he was the auctioneer!
He was a wonderful archetypal northeastern Italian. Every word he spoke was a trip down memory lane, bringing the welcome taste of my New York Italian mother’s “Sunday Sauce” to my palette. My childhood was filled with a dozen friendly uncles and cousins just like him. It was also quite surreal to hear the Latin names for various fish perfectly spoken but savagely butchered by a Jersey accent so thick I hallucinated scenes from the Sopranos every time he said the word “pseudotropheus”. It was also the longest time I have ever heard someone from New Jersey speak without using a single F-word.
All jokes aside, he really worked the room, and was an excellent auctioneer. I am glad the CCA has broken the stereotyped Guy-Wearing-A-Cowboy-Hat-And-Babbling-Prices-With-A-Texas-Twang mold for auctioneers.
The photography lesson I also give an A+. So far, the African cichlids in my tank love darting around from cover to cover and from squabble to squabble like rioters with a serious case of ADD. As a result, every photo I have taken with my “point and shoot” results in a photograph that looks like a Tron Light Cycle race – long blurs of featureless color making sharp-angled turns.
Thanks to Mike, I will fiddle with the settings next time and see if I can take something that actually looks like a fish.
I could go on forever, but this is already too long. I best save the rest for the next installment.
It was a pleasure meeting all of you, and I’ll look forward to the next get-together in March.
Police Academy VI: Adventures at The Blue Oyster
Tyler Durden: “All right, if the applicant is young, tell him he's too young. Old, too old. If he’s blonde, tell him he’s too blonde. If the applicant then waits for three days without food, shelter or encouragement he may then enter and begin his training.”
I relish those rare opportunities to say something that is both truthful and bizarre.
One time, early in our relationship, the Duchess’ father was visiting Miami on some business. We planned on meeting for a drink. Having newly returned to Miami myself, I was searching for a local store to buy some new Dr. Marten boots. Either Miami or I had fallen out of fashion, because there were few local sources for the classically British footwear.
I called around and finally found my preferred boot model at a local store in Ft. Lauderdale. To keep this post family friendly, I will vaguely say the store’s primary wares were adult toys, adult films and apparently every kind of stripper boot in existence. How Doc Marten’s, a punk rock footwear classic, got lumped into the same category as ball gags, glass stiletto heels and dirty movies, I’ll never know, but when The Duchess called to anxiously confirm the time I was meeting her father, I was delighted to truthfully say:
“First, I am going to hit the bondage shop, and then I am joining your dad for a cocktail or two.”
That time, I had to offer an explanation, or suffer drastic consequences. This Sunday, when my cousin called and asked what I did this weekend, I was delighted to announce:
I gathered with likeminded individuals at a police station to learn how to properly photograph a fish tank.
I refused to elaborate further.
He’ll cause a brain aneurism trying to figure that one out.
My first CCA meeting was exciting for me, fueled as it were with many new people to meet and strange practices to understand.
Upon arrival, I was eager to make my presence known by spontaneously starting out the monthly water balloon throwing event. Fortunately, Chris intervened and wrenched a bag of synodontis fry out of my cocked arm before I could throw it at Francine, and explained to [a somewhat confused and crestfallen] me there was no “water balloon throwing event” at the meeting. Ever.
Apparently, all of the “balloons” were actually bags filled with fish to be sold at auction.
While I am relieved I did not execute such a calamitous a faux pas, I can’t help but think a water balloon fight is sorely absent from the proceedings. Once I become a full member (this Friday is payday!) I hope to stuff the “suggestion box” with this and many other fantastic ideas I have bouncing around my drug-addled simian brain, such as the BUY-OR-DIE “Red Belly Piranha Auction Tank AND Dunking Booth”.
It would also be an injustice not to mention the auction itself. At first, I thought the man approaching the mic might be another guest speaker, this time from MTV’s hottest new show, fresh from the beach house and ready to show us the proper way to shotgun a beer. I was mistaken - it turns out he was the auctioneer!
He was a wonderful archetypal northeastern Italian. Every word he spoke was a trip down memory lane, bringing the welcome taste of my New York Italian mother’s “Sunday Sauce” to my palette. My childhood was filled with a dozen friendly uncles and cousins just like him. It was also quite surreal to hear the Latin names for various fish perfectly spoken but savagely butchered by a Jersey accent so thick I hallucinated scenes from the Sopranos every time he said the word “pseudotropheus”. It was also the longest time I have ever heard someone from New Jersey speak without using a single F-word.
All jokes aside, he really worked the room, and was an excellent auctioneer. I am glad the CCA has broken the stereotyped Guy-Wearing-A-Cowboy-Hat-And-Babbling-Prices-With-A-Texas-Twang mold for auctioneers.
The photography lesson I also give an A+. So far, the African cichlids in my tank love darting around from cover to cover and from squabble to squabble like rioters with a serious case of ADD. As a result, every photo I have taken with my “point and shoot” results in a photograph that looks like a Tron Light Cycle race – long blurs of featureless color making sharp-angled turns.
Thanks to Mike, I will fiddle with the settings next time and see if I can take something that actually looks like a fish.
I could go on forever, but this is already too long. I best save the rest for the next installment.
It was a pleasure meeting all of you, and I’ll look forward to the next get-together in March.
